“I didn’t realise what I was leaving behind”

Lydia Nicholson had all the support a mother could ask for when she had her first baby. Although her birth was traumatic – as first births so often are – she was surrounded by family, friends and a tight and incredibly supportive mothers group. She felt held, understood and supported.

When she was six months pregnant with her second baby Lydia, her husband and their 15 month-old moved to Paris, France, for her husband’s work. Ooh là là!
Sounds glamorous, doesn’t it?

It wasn’t.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV Lydia shares with us the challenges of giving birth and raising children in a foreign, non-English speaking, country. How her experience shaped her and changed her, and how she used her isolation and loneliness to go inwards to get to know herself and find what she needed, and how this allowed her to grow as a woman and mother.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

• ✓ The importance of resourcefulness – what to create for yourself if you are having/raising your baby away from your support network
• ✓  Tips on how to combat sadness and loneliness in a foreign country
• ✓  How to look for the silver lining in every cloud
• ✓  The importance of meeting your own needs as a mother

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

“It was really hard”

• It is important to recognise our gifts in the present  Podcast [9.37], TV [9.07]

“That was the tipping point for me. I said: that’s it I’m going home”

“I remember sitting at my dining room table breast-feeding my baby and having a woman over who was teaching me French at the same time”

• Lydia’s advice for the early days: You must become resourceful when resources don’t come to you. Re-create what you desire, or what you left behind. Podcast [22.12], TV [21.42]

• Become really observant. This leads to mindfulness and living in the present which allows you to tap into what you need, and can lift your mood. Podcast [23.10], TV [22.40]

Studies have shown that time in nature can reduce depression1 and anxiety2, and can increase general wellbeing and self-esteem3 (References 1,2 and 3 below in Mentions in This Episode)

• • You must actively go out there and find your people, your tribe, that can support and hold you as you go through matrescence. Podcast [27.31], TV [27.01]

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through.
We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

“Ask yourself: what do I need right now?”

“Growth, strength and determination comes out of situations like this”

• Listen to your heart, not your head (or the chatter of other people). Follow your intuition and be kind to yourself. Podcast [40.31], TV [40.01]

Mentions In This Episode

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

“After time, grief is a part of your life, but it is not your entire life anymore”

“You are going to lose your baby.”

What happens when your worst fear in pregnancy comes true?

In this very deep and personal interview Kara Peel, mum of three, talks about the tragic loss of her first baby, Lucy.

Lucy was born at 20 weeks.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Kara delves into her grief of Lucy’s death. She very courageously speaks about everything from how she felt leaving the hospital, to the all-consuming grief she experienced, to how she personally grew out of the trauma of losing her only daughter.

As baby loss, including miscarriage, is so common, I would like to advise that this episode may be triggering for some viewers and listeners. Kara really wanted to share her true journey with you as she is an advocate for talking about baby loss, the grief it brings, and the awareness we need to help raise to better support parents who have lost their child.

This is a must listen/view episode if you have experienced baby loss or love someone who has been through it, or is currently experiencing it.

In this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV you will learn:

• ✓  About the grief of losing a baby
• ✓  The taboos and societal expectations that exist around this type of grief
• ✓  What you can do to support yourself through your grief – learn Kara’s best model and strategies
• ✓  What everyone needs to know about supporting a grieving parent

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit play and watch the full episode on YouTube.

“When I left the hospital I remember how empty I felt. I had particularly empty arms because I had no baby to take with me.”

• The 5 Stages of Grief are real and you may feel them all. However, grief is not linear.
  When you lose a baby, the grief you experience is your experience. There is no “right” way to feel, or order you must feel your grief in. Let it feel for you how it feels for you Podcast [6.19], TV [5.49]

  The 5 Stages of Grief are a cycle that can include:

  – Denial and isolation
  – Anger
  – Bargaining
  – Depression
  – Acceptance

  Adapted from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ book On Death and Dying (full reference below in Mentions in This Episode)

“I’d sit in the park and feel the sun, and it reminded me I was alive.”

• Society has certain expectations of how you should handle your loss, and they are often not real.
  Find out Kara’s way to create your own expectations around your loss Podcast [10.17], TV [9.47]

“I craved for her name to be said – that acknowledgement that she existed.”

Mothers who have lost their baby may not have their baby in her amrs, yet they still go through matrescence, as well as coping with their loss and grief.

Matrescence – the transition from woman to mother – is one of the most life-changing transitions a woman will ever go through.
We are changed – physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

• Learn the 5 little words you should say to any grieving parent Podcast [17.34], TV [17.04]

Listen to how you can support someone in their grieving, especially if you feel uncomfortable or don’t know what to say.

“Slowly I started to get a bit of a sense of self back.”

“It lead me down different paths in my life I would previously not have been brave enough to try”

• It’s never too late to learn from, and address your baby loss trauma Podcast [37.29], TV [36.59]

You will know when you are ready. You CAN get through to the other side.

Mentions In This Episode

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?