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“The [motherhood] shift was nothing like I thought of, dreamed of or prepared myself for”

Dasha Okonji is a mum of 3 gorgeous boys and a life coach. Like many mums, during matrescence* Dasha felt she lost herself in motherhood. She went on a journey to rediscover herself, find herself again and find the light in motherhood.

It was through her struggles in motherhood that Dasha turned to her life coaching tools and knowledge to pave her way out of the overwhelm and darkness that motherhood brought her.

In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Dasha shares with us her powerful story and explicit steps of how she found her way, and how you can too. From getting to know ourselves again properly as we navigate through matrescence, to seeing what is important and how we can give more time to the things that are important to us, without sacrificing ourselves.

*Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us, that is why we feel different when we become mothers.
Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:
♥    Motherhood can be so different to what you expect – you must prepare yourself for all aspects of matrescence.

♥    Make it a priority to find yourself new self in motherhood

♥    Learn to shift your mindset in motherhood to thrive

♥    Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.

Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube

In this episode you will learn [podcast, TV]:

[3.30, 3.00]
It is so important to prepare yourself for becoming a mother. Not just preparation for labour and childbirth but preparing yourself for motherhood as well.

“The challenges I didn’t expect in motherhood threw me off for a good 9 months”

Check out my book I Wish Someone Had Told Me…to find out the things 1000 mums want you to know as you prepare yourself for labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood.

[5.10, 4.40]
Motherhood is a big shift for most women. Dasha had never heard of motherhood being like she experienced it. She felt overwhelmed and says she was always thinking this is not right; this is not me.

“This is really not motherhood as I pictured it”.

[9.00, 8.30]
Every mother worries about their baby, and whether she is doing a good job. Motherhood guilt is very real, but you mustn’t let it rule you.

“My main worry was: I can’t be a good mum for him”

[11.40, 11.10]
The importance of catching yourself before you fall into the dark hole of motherhood – Dasha talks us through her steps of catching herself, and leading herself out of the darkness. She gives us step-by-step strategies starting with The Wheel of Life – check it out HERE.
Dasha says: it’s like a reality check.

[17.30, 17.00]
In motherhood you have to find out who you are and what it is you need to do for you. We are all so different in motherhood (learn more about this and how it affects you, from a presentation I did early 2021). You need to find what it is that is affecting YOU in motherhood and apply the tools to your personal circumstances.

“What about me now. What do I want and what do I need? I am a mother, but I am also still me”

[20.05, 21.35]
Taking control of your matrescence life and nurturing yourself is incredibly empowering – Dasha talks us through how you can make your motherhood life be what you want it to be, rather than letting life happen to you.

“I had to redefine who I was a mum. And who I want to be as a mum”.

[23.02, 22.32]
The mental load of motherhood is extreme – Hear Dasha’s expert tips on how to take some load off your mind, and how to care for yourself in the process.

[33.10), 32.40]
Don’t just focus on labour, delivery, decorating the nursey and choosing baby names. The hard work starts after labour. Not just with our children but we need to work on ourselves as mothers.

“Doing courses and asking for advice is not about expecting bad things to happen during motherhood. It is about equipping ourselves for the job of motherhood and the person we are as mom”

Mentions in this episode:

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

A little more about my guest Dasha Okonji:

Dasha is a Mum of three very active boys under 4 years of age. She is a work-from-home Mum and runs a Life Coaching practice. Her passion is to see people live in fulfilment. Dasha turned this passion into her profession, leaving a successful career in Management Consulting to see others enjoy the lives they want. Since becoming a Mum, Dasha has developed a programme called Mum-on-a-Mission which aims to help women truly be Mums they have dreamed of. Dasha uses a range of coaching tools in areas such as confidence, patience and calm; finding balance for work, family and self-care; achieving more without added pressure; and even improving connection with your partner.

If this interests you, check out Dasha’s website where you can get a Daily Purposeful Planner which helps busy Mums plan their days in a way that keeps them connected to their Life Vision.

HERE is a video about the Purposeful Daily Planner and how you can get access to it.

Dasha has also kindly given us access to:

A short video on self compassion and grace

An article identifying priorities

An article on managing your to-do list

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