Episode #15: The 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – every mother sits on it, but did you know you can change your location?

Episode #15: The 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – every mother sits on it, but did you know you can change your location?

“Taking the time to train your brain to thrive in motherhood, is the most important self-care”

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This episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV is about as action-packed as motherhood.
It was such a pleasure to speak with Dr. Melissa Raymond from Your Journey to Healing in February 2021 for the Healthy Mums Health Families Summit.

We covered so much in our conversation!
From my journey into and out of postnatal anxiety, to the need to stop giving all of ourselves to motherhood, to the 50 Shades of Motherhood and how you can thrive amongst them all. There is even a FREE motherhood meditation in there that takes just a few minutes but will start you on your journey to training your brain to thrive in motherhood.

All mothers will benefit from this episode, because it:

♥    Teaches you about matrescence, the transition into motherhood – how it changes mothers’ brains and how you can use this transformation to truly thrive in motherhood.

   Explains the 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – a spectrum ALL mothers sit on – and teaches you strategies for how you can manoeuvre your way around the shades to initiate your happiness in motherhood.

   Gives you strategies to start training your own brain to truly thrive in motherhood. There is also a FREE E-Book for you to download to start the brain training (see mentions in this episode).

   Gives you a mother moment time-out: a powerful, yet brief motherhood meditation that will positively affect your brain and mind.

Hear the full episode. Simply click on your favourite podcast app below.
Or hit the play button below and watch the full episode on YouTube.
Key takeaways from this episode [podcast, TV]:

[5.22, 4.52]
Is it true that the more of yourself you give, the better a mother you are?

“It’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood, but it is at your detriment.”

[6.27, 5.57]
Learn what matrescence is and why you must prepare yourself for the transition into motherhood before you become a mother.

“We are mothering in a completely different world – the village mums had is largely non-existent now.”

[11.40, 11.10]
Mama, are you aware of your thoughts?
How my negative thoughts created my negative motherhood experience. And how your negative thoughts can ruin your experience too.

“Don’t believe everything you tell yourself!”

[17.36, 17.06]
Learn about the 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum that all mums sit on. What is it, where do you sit on it, and why you must know how to get from one end of the spectrum to the other. The visual spectrum is attached in the mentions in this episode below. Check it out and in the comments below let me know where you sit.

[23.20, 21.50]
Matrescence is the perfect time to work on creating the brain you want, so you can create the motherhood life you want. Learn how to do that in this episode.

“Don’t feel that just because motherhood is currently hard, that it will always be hard – you CAN train your brain to thrive and be happy!”

*Matrescence is the developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us. We need to learn about it, so we can be prepared, feel we are not alone and learn tools for how to use this transition to thrive.

[26.00, 25.30]
Imagine if you trained your brain like you train your body.
Mental health needs to be treated equally to physical health, including the exercises we do. The effects the exercises have is exactly the same – the brain is like a muscle!

“For some reason somewhere along the line we separated the brain and the body, but they are very much connected.”

[28.40, 28.10]
Enjoy your FREE motherhood meditation – it only takes a couple of minutes and has powerful results.

“The brain doesn’t know what is real and what is not. Learn how to use this to your advantage and thrive.”

[35.25, 31.55]
It’s important to not lose ourselves in motherhood.
You can give yourself, but not all of yourself all of the time. Motherhood is a great time to learn to love your new self and your new life. Make sure you make yourself a priority in motherhood.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”- Carl Jung

Download your FREE E-Book How to be a Happy Mother
Mentions in this episode:

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

♥   Buy your copy of the paperback and Kindle/electronic version of I Wish Someone Had Told Me – unspoken truths about what really happens to women during labour, childbirth and the first few weeks of motherhood by Dr Jennifer Hacker Pearson PhD

♥   The 50 Shades of Motherhood spectrum – for more information about it and to work with Dr Jen click here

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Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

6 things not to bother packing in your hospital bag

6 things not to bother packing in your hospital bag

Exercise 5 - Talk

Packing your hospital bag is an exciting event. After weeks of patiently waiting, your baby is almost here! There are countless what to pack in your hospital bag lists available, and no doubt you will get tips from other mums. Most of the things you will hear and read are very useful, but some really are not.

When I was pregnant, a mother suggested I pack some massage oil. I get it, labour is long, you need to relax … but I had three quite quick labours, and if Hubs had whipped out massage oil during any one of them, I think he would have been quite surprised with a swift elbow to the gut (aside from the fact I couldn’t stand to be touched when I was in labour with baby number 1).

I have spoken to a lot of mums about hospital bags, and the consensus is: keep it light. People can always bring you things if you need them. So, stick to the musts and consider leaving the following six things at home:

1. Pretty much any clothes you wore before you were pregnant

I have two words for you: Kate Middleton. If Princess Catherine still looks seven months pregnant the day she leaves the hospital, then there is not much hope for us true commoners. Even if you didn’t put on much weight during your pregnancy, you will still have a belly. Or if you’re like me and put on quite a bit of weight, don’t bother bringing anything that isn’t maternity wear.


2. Lots of snacks

I took so many high-energy snacks to hospital, the first time, it was ridiculous. I was told that “keeping my energy up” was of utmost importance. That’s true! However, I felt so nauseous the whole time I was in labour that the mere thought of food made me want to puke. I know some labours take longer, but in all honesty, even if you don’t feel sick, you will probably not feel like picnicking.
Once you’re on the ward, it is a different story! But those snacks can be brought to you, so they don’t need to go in your hospital bag. Save that room for other important things like, you know, a string bikini ?


3. Shoes which require hands to be put on

This includes any shoes with laces or shoes where you need to bend or squat to get your feet in. Even if you don’t have a caesarean, bending over is not the easiest thing right after having a baby, let alone perching on the edge of the bed or seat. So, pack only flat, slip-on shoes such as thongs/jandals/flip-flops/plakkies or whatever else you might call them. Your swollen feet will thank you too.


4. Books

I know a book sounds good in theory (and you do have to plan for the possibility of having a long stay in hospital), but even if you have time to read a book, chances are you won’t want to. Most mums I speak to about packing a book in their hospital bag laugh out loud and say that they wish they had packed another five pairs of black granny undies and maternity pads instead.


5. More than a couple of onesies for your baby

Try not to be tempted to pre-empt your baby’s size. For instance, my first was 4.2kg and 57cm at birth. He was too big for any of the 0000 suits I brought along. Similarly, I have met lots of mums that ended up with very small babies that required 00000 suits, instead of the 0000 suits they packed. And don’t bother with “outfits”, there’ll be plenty of time for baby dress-ups when you’re back home.


6. Makeup

If you must take makeup, limit it to one or two things. You will probably not feel like wearing makeup after you have had your baby and you are in that newborn bubble. A mum I know said she took her whole makeup bag and ended up using nothing. In her words: What was I thinking? That I could actually have been bothered to do some Kim-Kardashian-contouring?

So, unless you are Kim Kardashian, don’t bother with makeup. Of course, Kim Kardashian doesn’t need makeup because she always has a makeup artist on hand … but that’s a different story.

This is article was is originally published in babyology.com.au