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“You have to keep yourself well in order to keep them well.”

Warning: this episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV mentions self-harm and suicide attempts. If you require help, PLEASE see your GP or the list of services at the bottom of this article.

 When Melanie Medland  found her type A-personality teenage daughter suddenly couldn’t cope with life, she was naturally alarmed. Melanie’s daughter, who was always very capable,  suddenly withdrew, had trouble sleeping, forgot things and her eating patterns changed. Not having come across this before Melanie was questioning if this was just part of normal adolescence, but in her gut she knew. Her daughter was very unwell.

 In this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV, Meanie takes us into her family’s difficult time: how her daughter’s anxiety and depression made Melanie question herself and her parenting, how Melanie found her strength and the language to speak to her teenage daughter, and how she uses the enormous amount of hard won experience and knowledge she gained while successfully nurturing her daughter through her illness, to support and coach parents who are facing similar battles.  

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:

♥   Speak to people about your experience in parenting, even if you feel they will judge you as a mother. Chances are they have a similar experience to you.

♥   Many parents experience mental health issues with their teenager, and have the same fears.

♥   To effectively parent, you must tap into your motherhood intuition and trust yourself.

♥   There is a transition in motherhood when our children become teenagers. It is part of matrescence*.

♥   Mental and physical health needs to be nurtured equally. 

Matrescence is a developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us, that is why we feel different when we become mothers.

In this episode [podcast, TV]:

Teenager’s mental health can lead to parents losing confidence in themselves. It is imperative we speak to other parents of teenagers.

We feel we are alone in our struggles but speaking to other parents we realise we are not. And it allows them to feel they’re not alone also.

“That whole mental health stigma comes up [when you shy away from speaking to other parents]- will they be judging my child and me as a bad parent?”

[5.33, 3.40]

How to know if your teenager is suffering from anxiety and depression, or if it’s just normal teenage behaviour. Melanie also revisits this, in detail, later in the program [30.20, 3.40].

Melanie’s daughter’s symptoms:
Pains attack
Anxiety
Depression
Self-harm
Suicidal ideation

“You know your child. Trust yourself.”

[7.45, 3.40]
Challenges of the transition for mothers through matrescence – from soothing their kids’ scuffed knees, to suspecting something might be mentally troubling them. As our children grow and change, we grow and change. This is also part of matrescence, just a different phase.

[10.00, 3.40]
The importance of finding people who understand you because they’ve been through it with their child or are going through it themselves.

[13.06, 3.40]
Our generation are the one who need to bring mental health chats into parenting. No generation before us ever did, so we don’t have any models in place about how to chat to our children about mental health. WE need to create these models.

“It’s important to play the love card.”

[16.00, 3.40]
Melanie’s amazing and innovative ways of helping teenagers with mental health issues, which she implemented successfully to help her daughter get better.

[20.00, 3.40]
One of the most important things to help your teenager is to keep the channels of communication open. Be their support person first, their mother second.

“It is her journey. It is not my journey”

[23.45, 3.40]
As mothers our selfcare is absolutely paramount.

“You have to keep yourself well in order to keep them well”

[25.59, 3.40]

There is support for parents who are going through mental health issues with their teenagers.

Melanie shares the proven techniques of how to connect with your teenager and how to ask those tough questions

“Mental health and physical health need the same nurturing”

Mentions in this episode:

♥   Tough Mothers courses implement a three-step framework to:

1) help mothers understand how motherhood changes their brain
2) how to strengthen their brain by training it to thrive in motherhood.
3) Teach simple, specific exercises mothers can fit into their busy day to train their brain to thrive in motherhood

♥   Moving Through with Melanie

Moving Through is a personal response to Melanie’s eldest daughter’s battle with anxiety and depression in 2018. Melanie spent 6 months nursing her through her illness successfully and now Melanie has an enormous amount of hard-won experience and knowledge to share with other parents who are facing similar battles.

Melanie is passionate about changing the conversations around mental health, especially anxiety and depression, and would like to see mental health issues discussed openly with no shame or judgement attached to them.

Teenagers are at an age and stage of their lives where they need lots of support. It can be incredibly tough to be 100% present and available for them. Unfortunately, too many teens are falling through the cracks of our health system and parents and families are struggling to support them as they transition from childhood to becoming young adults in our society.

We have all heard the saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ and I believe this has never been more important. Today’s teens are facing issues we would never have dreamt of as we were growing up. The structure of families is changing, and we all need to be prepared to step in and help out with raising teenagers that will be able to contribute to our collective futures in a healthy and productive way.

You can find out more about Melanie and Moving Through at www.movingthrough.net or on Facebook

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support in our private Facebook village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.

For information, tips and support in motherhood follow Tough Mothers on Facebook and Instagram

“Even when I was in the depths of my unwellness I would say to myself: something good is going to come from this. Something beautiful is going to come from this. And it did.”

Your postpartum (or postnatal, depending on where you live) experience will be unique. I say that because when you enter motherhood, or matrescence*, you enter it as your unique self, with your unique biological make-up, your unique previous experiences, your unique neuroscience.
So, you won’t know how postpartum will be for you, until you are in it.

Yes, sometimes there are neurobiological predictors, but often women are surprised when they enter their 4th trimester.

*Matrescence is a developmental transition women go through when we become mothers. It is all encompassing – physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. Matrescence transforms us, that is why we feel different when we become mothers.

Katie R. was one of these mums. Katie felt a bit down during pregnancy and was worried about postnatal depression. However, what her 4th trimester brought was the exact opposite. Katie was up, not down!

Because Katie experienced bipolar symptoms, and not stock-standard depression or anxiety it took some time for her to get the help she needed.

Today Katie bravely shares with us her postpartum mania experience, and how she found her silver lining by going within herself and bringing out the best in herself. She intuitively turned her postpartum mental health experience, something that society deems terrible and “negative”, into a blessing for herself.

Key takeaways from this episode of the Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV:

♥   Depression and anxiety are not the only things we must look out for in postpartum mothers.

♥   You will know if you don’t feel OK, and you must speak up!

♥   Your postpartum experience does not need to shape the rest of your life.

♥   Sometimes wonderful things come from our darkest experiences.

♥   Mental health is something that affects everyone. There is no shame in it.

Matrescence is a time of great change. You will feel different. It is important to keep an eye out whether your feelings are different to what you would expect for you.

In this episode [podcast, TV]:

[3.00, 2.30]
Katie’s explanation of how she felt different is magnificant. She found that everyone, including postpartum support, family and ourselves, keep an eye out for symptoms of depression and anxiety. But there are other things we must look out for.

Symptoms for postpartum mania include irritability, racing thoughts, decreased sleep, overactivity and grandiose ideas (just to name a few).

Can you see how these can also be viewed as normal in motherhood?

So, it is really important to tune into yourself to see if it feels normal, or not, for you.

[14.25, 13.55]
Katie shares beautifully, and in detail, how postnatal mania feels – the positives and the negatives – and how her postpartum bipolar experience escalated for her, leading to her worst fears coming true!

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms or just don’t feel right in your postpartum journey, please reach out. There are links to services around the world at the bottom of this article.

[21.50, 21.20]
When Katie was diagnosed with postpartum bipolar, she was told what it might be like and what her limitations might be. She asked herself: “am I going to accept that or is there something else I can look into and reclaim for myself?”

Her mind and her language were an integral part in this.

“The words I AM are so powerful. I don’t say I am bipolar. I say I live with bipolar.”

[25.20, 24.50]
Katie shares her tips for mums who are experiencing postnatal bipolar and encourages everyone to share their story.

“Mental health is normal. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Mental health affects all different people from all walks of life.”

Who is one person that would benefit from the information in this episode?

Forward it to them! There are icons at the top of this page to make that really easy.

Mentions in this episode:

♥   Katie’s beautiful poem:

Baby cries
And so will I
It is a way of saying
I have a need
I just don’t have words right now
I am trying to treat myself like a newborn
Gently, kindly
With care. With care.

♥   You can find out more about Katie and read her amazing poetry at www.compassionpoetry.co.nz and on Instagram

You are not alone!

Get amazing motherhood support in our private Facebook village. We would love to have you there.

Want every episode of The Tough Mothers Podcast and Tough Mothers TV straight to your inbox as soon they are released?

Mental Health Support Services

If the topics in this episode are triggering for you, or if you feel you need support, please contact you doctor or local mental health line.

In Australia: www.healthdirect.gov.au
In New Zealand: www.mentalhealth.org.nz
In the USA: www.mhnational.org
In the UK : www.mind.org.uk
In Ireland: www2.hse.ie
In South Africa: www.safmh.org.za

If your country is not listed please search “Mental Health Line” in google in your country.